


Light and shadow caught in a dream

by Subaruchan192



Series: A fool's dream [1]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Last Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23668243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subaruchan192/pseuds/Subaruchan192
Summary: [Heavy Spoiler to Persona 5: The Royal ending]Leaving Goro Akechi behind in Shido's palace is Ren Amamiya's greatest regret. When Akechi walks casually back into Le Blanc, he can't believe his luck. His wish has come true, but he knows there is a price to pay. When their time is over, he has to send Akechi into his death for a second time. But Ren always carries destiny with his head high and makes the best out of it. He uses the new chance to tell Akechi everything he hasn't been able to. Even if  it means he is going to be hurt in the end.or: this is a fix-it fanfiction for the true ending. It will edit their conversation at 2/2, grant them a proper good-bye and will give us the happy end they and we deserve.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: A fool's dream [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717999
Comments: 35
Kudos: 194





	1. Light and shadow caught in a dream

**Author's Note:**

> So, I just finished Persona 5: The Royal yesterday and I cried. I truly wished there would have been another way to save Goro and yes, I remember that little glimpse at the end.
> 
> I used "Ren" as the protagonists name, because I kept messing up Akechi and Akira, because they were too similar ^^'

„So, you knew the truth all along.”

“Just like you as it seems.” The true reality hung heavy between Goro Akechi and Ren Amamiya in this faked one. Mona looked uncomfortably back and forth between the former ace detective and the leader of the Phantom Thieves, before he jumped off the bench, stretched and looked up at Ren.

“I leave you two alone so you can talk.” A sad, compassionate gaze coloured the blue eyes of the cat dark. Ren nodded and felt a slight twinge of gratefulness in his stomach. Mona knew how much Ren liked Akechi and how much it had haunted him that he hadn’t been able to save him and how relieved he had been as Akechi had walked casually into Le Blanc. It had been then, when the both of them had known, what Ren’s wish to this illusion and its master had been.

But they also had known what it meant to restore the broken mirror with all its shards. Night after night, they had discussed how Akechi could have survived Shido’s palace so that he wasn’t part of the distortion like Makoto’s father, Okumura or Wakabe. In the end, there had been no other explanation than that his wish had been granted. Though, hearing it confirmed by Maruki had felt like someone had tossed a bucket of cold water over his head.

The two humans exchanged a long gaze as the cat left the café. Akechi’s was hard and stubborn, almost furious, while Ren’s was dark, heavy and sad. They had never needed much words to communicate and this time there was a certain resignation hanging in it. It appeared there truly was no way they could both possibly exist in this world together. The two Gods had bound them to the two sides of the same coin. They were the chess figures they had liked to play with. Though tools or weapon might be the better words. Likely, they hadn’t expected that the two would bond against all odds.

When the doorbells chimed and announced that Mona had left, the heaviness of the world appeared to push Ren down and his posture slumped. Seeing how Makoto, Futaba and Haru came to terms that they had to let go of their beloved ones had been hard, but knowing he had to send Akechi back into death was an entirely different thing. How could Akechi stay that composed?

Ren looked up and according to the way Akechi starred at him, it must be a gaze of defeat. Akechi leaned back against the counter of the bar and starred at the leader of the Phantom Thieves with a disbelieving expression.

“Don’t tell me you truly consider on accepting this fake reality?” Aghast, he looked at Ren and shook his head. It was a reaction Ren had expected. Akechi had made clear all the time, what he thought about this fake reflection. It didn’t change how making this decision hurt, though. How could Akechi be angry that Ren thought about it for a moment, before he decided to send Akechi back into his death? What kind of a human would he be, if he did without any hesitation?

“It’s not that easy.”, Ren said pained, while he gripped his cup, which felt like a rescuing anchor in this nightmare of a too perfect hell.

“It _is_ that simple.”, Akechi sneered with a face distorted from anger and disgust. In this moment, he looked so much like back then in Shido’s palace, when he had gone psychotic.

Ren felt as if they were on another crossroad. The strong, yet fragile bond which had developed between them was close to be torn apart. Not just because of the future ahead of them, but Ren felt as if the carefully built up trust between them was dissolving and slipped through his hand.

“I decide my own destiny, Amamiya.”, Akechi said with a voice that rolled like thunder through the empty café. “I won’t allow another adult to enslave me and mess with my life.”

“But if we restore reality, then you’re going to…”

“And so?” Akechi crossed his arms in front of his chest. “That is the path I have chosen. If you decide to accept his offer for my sake you betray my decision and me. I refuse to accept a reality concocted by someone else, stuck under their control for the rest of the days.”

Ren knew Akechi was right. Ren knew that the choice offered was just another illusion. It was too perfect. Like one of those hyper realistic, oversubscribed paintings Yusuke had showed him in Ueno.

They hadn’t defeated the Holy Grail only to be pulled back into the cage of another God created by human desire. It might be a pretty one, but it still remained a cage. If Ren agreed, he could never be sure which of Akechi’s actions were truly coming from him and which had been staged by Maruki to fulfil Ren’s wish. That bond between them would become an ill reflection.

“Say something, _Joker_.” The voice of Akechi was hard and sharp like a needle of ice. Instinctively, his head snapped back up and turned around to him. His codename gaped like a canyon between them. Ren was aware Akechi had used it to pull him back into that dream that Maruki wanted to dream forever.

Joker would have known what to do. Joker wouldn’t hesitate. But here, he wasn’t Joker. Here, he was only Ren Amamiya, who had to sell out one of the persons closest to him in order to save the world. Once again. For the first time in his life, he felt like crying.

“Tell me you won’t do this to me! Tell me you won’t turn me into a brainwashed puppet once again.” The anger was hot like lava, but it was only the surface. Deep within his voice there was a flicker of cold fear and the red-brown eyes practically begged at Ren not to do this. Not to betray the trust he had in him. Ren was the only person he had ever trusted after all. Despite the wicked game they had been set up in. Despite Gods playing with them like toddlers with their toys. Ren knew it was time to wake up from his dream.

“I won’t, Akechi.”, he said those words that felt like doomsday. Destiny was decided. The fate was set and the wheel could turn again. The time of distorted Elysium was over, because what could ever grow out of a world without pain? How could Ren look at himself or at Akechi with the knowledge that he had betrayed humanities potential he had fought for? The goal Akechi had died for in the end. How could he even consider to be that selfish? On the other hand, Ren did not know, how much more he could take.

“I won’t accept this distorted dream.” Ren looked up and a single tear ran down his cheek. “But that doesn’t mean, it doesn’t hurt.”

The moment those meaningful words stood in the room, Akechi’s protection wall of anger and harshness disappeared. He sank powerless into the stool.

“Can we talk?”, Ren asked. Joker’s voice never shivered. Ren’s rarely did, but this time it quivered from emotions he tried to keep under control. It appeared that sending Akechi into his death for a second time was the last nail on the coffin of his composure. “Like honestly talk to each other without the mask? Just Goro Akechi and Ren Amamiya?”

Silence ruled between them. The last obstacle they had to overcome. Ren prayed that Akechi trusted him enough to grant him that, because there were so many things left unsaid.

“I mean, it’s not like it would make any difference.” Ren laughed humourlessly. Grey eyes looked in red ones and for a moment, that feeling of resignation returned. Their fate had been predestined, but this time not by a higher deity. This time it had been a human. A human, who had wanted to give them another chance, but he should have known better. He should have known that neither of them could accept this illusion of happiness and with that he had set them up against one another again. Once again, they were caught and chained. Denied of their hearts wished for.

“I’m sorry, Akechi.”, Ren whispered after none of them could stand the mental canyon anymore and that wasn’t what Akechi had expected. His eyes widened, when the fool took justice by surprise again.

“What are you sorry for?” The former ace detective tilted his head in confusion.

“That I wasn’t able to save you. It’s the only thing I regret.” Ren was serious and Akechi sensed it instinctively. It was something he couldn’t handle. He might have accepted his true personality, had given up on pretending the warm, kind-hearted person, but Ren had never believed it. Akechi was too clever and had just admitted that he knew almost form the beginning he was going to die again. The fury had been another protection of his to prevent of letting them too close, because he was going to lose them again. He wanted them to dislike him, to stop treating him like they had before his death. Goro Akechi had never experienced kindness in his life and now he did, when he was on the way to his death sentence.

“It’s your wish.” Akechi threw his head back as he realized it and laughed towards the ceiling: loud, strident, almost maniac. He laughed off his desperation and stress. The frustration, the pain. Everything, which had been sitting inside his stomach escaped through that laughter. His last one. “You truly are a fool, Amamiya.”

A gurgle bubbled underneath his voice.

“My arcanum is the fool after all.” Ren had found a bit of his composure back through their teasing. Something which had never changed. No matter in which stage of that wicked scheme they had been. “The fool, who doesn’t accept the set boundaries. The fool, who believes he can change the world.”

“And mine?”, Akechi asked and there was an old, trusted shimmer of curiosity in his smooth voice. As if the Akechi Ren saw in him was slowly waking up again. Only to see his execution.

“Justice.”, he replied and saw how Akechi’s eyes widened, before he laughed once again. Louder than he ever had in his life. So loud and maniacally that he had to hold his stomach and tears began to roll down his cheek.

“Justice…”, he repeated after he had calmed down a little. “That’s the arcanum the false Gods have given me? How ironic.”

He shook his head and then lowered it. In this moment, Akechi appeared defeated and broken. Like a puppet, whose spine of wire was broken.

“There truly is no place for the two of us. Only one of us has a right to exist and it seems like I keep on losing. Is that the atonement for my committed sins to revenge my father’s? To stop the everlasting cycle of redemption?” Akechi’s body shook as the gloves clenched into his cheeks. Desperation billowed around him. It hurt. It truly hurt to find a sense in life, when there was no time left. Revenge had been all he had aimed for. The ultimate goal he subordinated everything else to. He hadn’t cared what he was going to lose in the progress. Even if it was his death. He would have gladly died as long as he had got his revenge.

But now, on his death row, Goro Akechi didn’t want to die anymore. He wanted to live. He wanted to experience what bored Gods had denied him of ever since he was born. Fate truly wasn’t kind to him.

“I’m sorry, Akechi.”, Ren said once again and Akechi looked up. Heart and brain battled against each other inside of him. His heart finally wanted to be honest, wanted to acknowledge the desire of being welcome and liked. His mind told him that it was going to cause pain, because it would be over tomorrow. “I’m sorry that my wish put you in this misery. That I forced you back from the death and denied you your peace.”

With these words, Ren stood up and walked over to him. Akechi rose his head, when the other side of his coin stepped up close to him. Guilt and desperation raged through the grey of Ren’s eyes like a storm. It was the first time that the calm expression on his face was crumbling.

“I’m sorry for being so selfish that I couldn’t accept losing you. That I wished for saving you above all else. Yes, I truly am a fool.” Eyes as deep as the universe and just as black starred at Akechi. “I wanted to save you and, in the end, I threw you into a living hell.”

“But why? Why do you want so desperately to save me? When you already have saved the world? Why can’t you let me go?” The intensity of Ren’s emotions rubbed off on Akechi. The carefully kept masquerade began to crumble. They both knew the answer. They had hidden it deep inside of themselves for a long time, because they weren’t destined to be. They knew that everything had been speaking against them, but they couldn’t have stopped their hearts from bonding.

“I guess you know the answer.”, Ren sighed and involuntary, his head dropped against Akechi. “Or otherwise I’m a complete fool and imagined all those things. Could you deny that there is a bond between us? Despite the masks we both wore?”

“Ren…”, Akechi whispered tentatively. His first name. Ren felt relieved. It was the first time he called him like that. It could only mean he hadn’t lost Goro yet. His confession hadn’t caused more hatred. Instead, it had opened Akechi up.

“When I had to leave you behind in Shido’s palace, it felt like I had left a part of me there. We’re the part of the same coin after all.”

“When one sees the light, the other one has to face the darkness.”

“But what if it meant we complete each other?” Once again, Ren dared. He reached out and rested his hand on Goro’s cheek. “There’s no shadow without the light.”

“Even though I wanted to kill you?”, Akechi asked and deep eyes looked at him, but he didn’t pull away.

“I hoped to have proven to you that humanity can be kind, too. That it doesn’t matter, where you come from. All that counts is, who you are and, in the end, you accepted your kindness. You gave your life for us. That’s my cognition of you.” For a moment, Akechi stared speechless at him, but then he huffed and showed a small, honest smile.

“You truly are a mystery to me and you’re very cruel.”

“I know.”, Ren laughed with tears in his eyes and the hand on his cheek began to shiver. “I’m sorry.”

“And I’m sorry for not being honest all this time. To have spitted on your kindness, because I couldn’t endure it. I’m sorry how much pain my father had caused you and that you were bound to such a distorted, broken puppet by destiny.”

“I don’t regret it and you’re not as broke as you think.”, Ren assured and pressed his forehead a little closer against Akechi’s. Longing spoke out of every pore of their body and in this shard of reality they allowed themselves the happiness, which had been shattered a while ago. “I understand, why you did what you had to do. I truly just would have wished I would have been strong enough to convince your mind to trust the bond your heart felt.”

“I forgive you, but can I be selfish, now?” Akechi dissolved just enough to be able to look into Ren’s eyes. A nod was his answer. “Can I ask of you to be vulnerable first?”

“Yes.” Ren took a deep breath and his nostrils blared up for a moment, when he collected his strength and courage. He cupped both of Akechi’s cheeks. The skin soft and warm underneath his fingertips as he leaned down. “I love you, Goro Akechi.”

Akechi startled for a moment as if he was surprised that his assumption what Ren wanted to tell him had been right. To hear these words, he never had before in his life. He laughed again. This time out of relief and resignation. What his heart had desired all of his life, he found when it was forfeit.

“I love you, too.” Suddenly, saying those words was so easy. As if love wasn’t the one thing, he had been most scared of and he didn’t believe in. But know it felt like the mask was finally of and he could see again. Destiny truly loved to laugh at him, didn’t it?

It was said that people came into your life for a reason, bringing something you must learn. For the Phantom Thieves and their culprit nothing could be truer.

The first kiss of light and shadow in that dim bar was cautious and tentative. Lips brushing carefully against one another as if they feared one would back out again, but now, on this crossroad, there was whether the time nor the place for regrets or hesitation. What sense would it make if they only had a few hours in the true paradise in the distorted one? In a way, they even had to be grateful to Maruki. Without him, without this cruel choice, the truth would have never been spoken out and it felt right to kiss each other.

“Can you promise me one thing, Goro?”, Ren asked as they broke the kiss and he stroked the bangs out of his face.

“What is it?”

“If you have miraculously survived Shido’s palace, please, don’t forget this confession and come back to me. I will be waiting for you for ever.”

“Ren…” Akechi didn’t know, how he deserved this kindness. To be happy, but in this moment, he decided to be selfish once again and not to care. What difference would it make? He was going to die tomorrow anyway. This time, Ren would be left behind. Tenderly, Akechi traced his fingertips along Ren’s jaw and looked sadly into his eyes. “I promise you. If I live in reality, I will accept this here as ours. I will stop hiding and embrace what I truly feel. I will find you.”

Ren nodded and his head fell onto Akechi’s shoulder. Desperately, his fingers clenched into Akechi’s woollen coat as relief washed through him. It didn’t take long until his hands began to shiver and tears streamed down his face. Tears hot from pain and desperation. In this moment, Ren cried out all the pain, which would inevitably come tomorrow and he would have no time tomorrow.

Akechi wrapped his arms around the crumbling leader and rested his head on his, trying to be there for him, how Ren had been so many times. Akechi had accepted his death. He had ever since he realized the truth, but in this moment, and maybe for the first time in his life, Goro felt compassion and regret. Not for himself, but for his love who accepted to guilt of his death twice in a row and gave up his heartfelt wish in order to grant Akechi the peace he longed for. He placed a kiss into the black hair and whispered:

“Thank you for making me see the light, Ren.”


	2. A crumbling dream of reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle against Maruki is won and reality is going to be restored again, but that means Ren has to pay the price, now: saying farewell to Goro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you try your best but you don't succeed  
> When you get what you want but not what you need  
> When you feel so tired but you can't sleep  
> Stuck in reverse
> 
> When the tears come streaming down your face  
> 'Cause you lose something you can't replace  
> When you love someone but it goes to waste  
> What could it be worse?
> 
> Fix you- Coldplay

The fight for their reality had been the longest and hardest the Phantom Thieves ever had to face. Maruki had stubbornly clung onto his Elysium, not willing to let go of the dream he had wanted to dream forever. In the desperation of losing his salvation, Maruki had attacked with all of his strength like a predator with its back to the wall. All he had wanted was to take revenge on those, who had rejected his paradise. All his mind craved for was punishment for the rebels. In the end, his good intentions had been distorted by his own pain and desperation and he hadn’t been any better than a tyrant.

Ren had been ready to fight, his heart filled with determination. The strongest of personas, Gods and archangel were on his side, but in this battle Maruki had showed how intelligent he was and how gruesome his distortion had made him.

Ren hadn’t been the target of his attacks. Azathoth had focused on Crow instead to send Joker an unmistakable message:

_I have fulfilled your heartfelt wish. I gave you a perfect world and yet you rejected my gift. You decided for the pain. So, I’m going to show you, what you have chosen. I’m going to make those pay, who you have doomed. It’s time you see, what you have caused._

If Ren had fought instead of Joker the attempts of demoralizing him likely would have worked. The sight of Crow going down over and over again without being able to heal him, to see how he had barely been holding on, only one blow away from death, had broken Joker’s heart over and over again. It hadn’t taken long until Crow’s black outfit had been torn apart and blood had streamed down his body from countless wounds.

Morgana’s frustrated cries still echoed through Ren’s mind, when he had summoned Diego to cast salvation, but Maruki had prevented it. Ren still felt the tight clutch around his heart he had felt as he had screamed for the Holy Virgin Mary and pleaded her to her to revive Akechi through their mental bond, but even the Mother of God had been powerless against the manipulation of reality.

Maruki had truly known how to exhaust them and to use the length of the battle for his advantage. He had knocked Crow out, which had kept Morgana busy with weaving healing spells, granting him no chance for attacks, while Violet had increased their stats so that the next blow wouldn’t be their end. With those tactics Azathoth and Maruki had got, what they had wanted. A duel between Joker and them.

Joker had felt how with every new round his desperation and anger had increased. His blood had begun to boil inside of him and he had almost given in to the fury Maruki had aimed for. He had thrown attacks of cosmic extent at him. Michael blew up the universe more than once with cosmic flare, Satan had tried to drag him down to hell, but Azathoth had lived up to his name.

The demon lord, who had stood at the beginning of it all, who was the ancestor of every terrifying deity had kept up to Joker, using Maruki’s abilities to their advantage. The victory of the Phantom Thieves had been on knife edge more than once. The longer the battle had lasted, the riskier Joker had had to fight. They had almost been out of spell points and all of their restoring items had been consumed. All Joker could have done was to attack instead of healing in the hope of being faster than Maruki. Especially with his own life he had been more careless. Rather he had ordered Morgana to heal Crow or Violet, who were only slightly underneath half of their health instead of him, even though he had barely been able to stand upright. Only when Crow had taken a deathly blow, which had belonged to him and had laid whimpering in front of him, he had woken up with shock. Through gritted teeth, Akechi had scolded him not to risk his life so carelessly. That he should finally pull himself together and focus on the fight.

When Azathoth had fused with Maruki’s treasure and had evolved into Adam Kadmon, the irony had been completed. He was the first being that came into the spiritual World after the contraction of god’s infinite light. He was God’s prototype, the perfect man. Divine light without vessels, pure potential, even though Maruki’s distortion was robbing humanity of that. It had showed how convinced Maruki had been from his paradise.

Every blow of this perfect creature had sent the Phantom Thieves to death’s doorstep more than once. No matter how well they had been prepared, how much Oracle had increased their defence or ability to dodge. No matter if they all were in defence position, they barely survived when Adam Kadmon’s rightful fist hit them. The Phantom Thieves had felt outmatched many times, but never so obviously than in this fight. Whenever Maruki had been defeated, he stood up again. Stronger than before, but giving up had never been their strength and with a last, collective attempt they had come out victorious. The relief had been immense, when Maruki’s palace had begun to collapse they had been all stuffed into Morgana’s helicopter form, but even then, the false Messiah hadn’t been able to accept his defeat and clung onto them as if he could save his dream like that.

In that moment, Joker had had enough. He had been defeated and he should accept it. He wouldn’t allow Maruki to take his friend’s life. All the pain Maruki’s illusion had caused had overwhelmed Ren. Therefore, he had punched it into Maruki. Again, and again and again. But in the end his anger had not been as strong as he had believed. He had thought he would have wished Maruki to die, but when the fallen God had himself, Ren hadn’t been able to let him die. It had spoken against all they had stood for. The Phantom Thieves didn’t let anyone die.

Now it was over. Finally, it was over. The palace had collapsed and the fight for their future had been won, but Ren didn’t feel like celebrating. They might have won, but Ren had lost personally. Goro would die and he would have to go to prison in order to sue Shido for his crimes.

The moment Joker was gone, Ren felt tired. So very tired. Not just physically, but mentally. Hot tears burned in his eyes, when he condemned his fate for the first time in his life. Up to this point he had endured it all without faltering, without any complain, but now, it was if he was finally fully realizing, what was going to happen. Goro would be gone for ever any moment. He had to find him so that he was at least able to say good-bye. It was the only thing he could offer him. A form of condolence, when he was responsible for this misery. The problem was that they had been seperated and Ren didn’t know how much time they had left.

Although his legs felt as if they were filled with pudding, Ren rose himself back up and began to run along the fence of the construction area of the stadium. His heart hammered inside his chest, while he prayed it wasn’t too late. That he would at least get a chance to see him one last time.

“Ren…”, a weak voice reached his ear and Ren stopped at full speed, the soles of his shoes squeaking on the asphalt. Goro Akechi sat sunken on the ground, leaned against the fence. His breath was ragged and came in heavy pants, but the most concerning part was that his body had begun to glow and ren was sure only his stubborn will kept Goro in reality.

“Goro…” Ren fell onto the ground and cradled his other half into his arms.

“I’m here, Goro. I’m here.”, he whispered with tears in his eyes. “I’ve got you.”

“I guess it’s time for a good-bye.” The former smooth voice of Goro was weak and shallow. “I don’t know…how much longer I can hold on.”

“I know…” He pressed a hard kiss against Goro’s temple. “Thank you for waiting.”

“I…promised and I…wanted to tell you something.”

“Shhh, Goro.” Ren stroked his sweated bangs out of his face. “Spare your strength.”

“I’m going to die, Ren. It’s the…truth.” Shakily, Goro inhaled and his hand clenched into Ren’s coat. “Please…allow me those parting words.”

Ren swallowed heavily and looked down to the young man he had been bound to. The boy who was supposed to be his opponent, but in the end, they had rebelled even against this. He nodded and bit his bottom lip, because he wasn’t sure, if he could trust his voice in this moment, when his heart ached that much.

“I…want to thank you.” The glow of his body became stronger and it reminded Ren painfully of the moment, when Mona had disappeared. “For…choosing reality… although it causes you so much pain and… for…believing in me.”

“I love you, Goro.” Desperately, Ren kissed him, pouring all of the emotions he would never be able to express again or ever to forget. The taste of salt from his tears danced over their lips as they shared their second and maybe last kiss. When they dissolved, he pressed his head against Goro’s and squeezed his eyes shut. “I could never betray you.”

His entire body began to tremble, now that the adrenaline was vanishing. He didn’t want to let him go, but he had to, because that was what they had chosen and it would be selfish to keep him here.

“I love you, too. I guess it’s the first time in my life that I’m honest.”, Goro whispered with a stronger voice and laughed humourlessly. “I’m sorry I have to go again.”

“It’s not your fault.” His bottom lip trembled so strongly that Ren almost wasn’t able to speak these words. “It’s mine. I was the fool, Goro, and you have to pay for it.”

He buried his head in Goro’s hair and sniffed. Ren wished he would be stronger in this moment to make his departure easier, but as strong as he might have been in the past year, he couldn’t find it within him anymore. It was the first time he ever held someone in his arms, while he died and then it was one of the most important persons in his life. In this moment, Ren felt powerless. They had changed the world. They had saved it, but in this moment, he had to asked himself what sense it made to have these abilities, if he couldn’t save those which meant the world to him. For whom had he been fighting, if he had to sacrifice his friends along the way?

“It’s not your fault, Ren…” It appeared his thoughts had been running like a movie through his eyes and Goro had always been perceptive. The face strained from pain softened a little and he rested a comforting, gloved hand on Ren’s cheek, the thumb brushing against his bottom lip. This tender touch pulled Ren out of his impuissance and he pulled his head back to stare into those eyes as red as blood, but they had become a little duller than they used to be. “You can’t save everybody.”

“But what sense does it make to save the world, when I can’t save you?”

“You saved me.” Goro collected all of his remaining strength he could afford despite keeping himself here and smiled. He didn’t want to leave, before he had eased Ren’s heart. “Without you…I would still be caught in my hatred. You opened my eyes and heart.”

“Goro…”

“You…were the first…who accepted me for as I am. Even when I talked badly about the Phantom Thieves…or you knew…that I was the culprit… you saw…who I truly am.” By now, Goro’s body was only comprised by particles of light. He was almost translucent and they both knew that their time was running out. “I envied you…for this ability…and I treasure any minute in the light more than in the darkness. I die happily… I…regret nothing and you…shouldn’t either.”

“I…” Ren had always been rather the quiet kind of person. He didn’t talk much, but when he spoke every word had been meaningful. The situation that he didn’t know what to say, though, had never occurred, but know, every word was stuck in his throat and his mind was overwhelmed by sadness.

Goro’s smile became even more tender and for the first time he allowed to show his emotions. His true self. Love spoke out of the way his eyes glistened. Hiding was senseless now anyway. To be honest, it had always been. They had always seen through one another. Even when they had worn the masks that fate had forced on them, they hadn't been able to fool the other. Their bond couldn’t be fooled.

Goro’s hand, which still rested on Ren’s cheek, moved up and tenderly ran through his tousled, black hair and he lifted himself up with the last bit of vigor he had left. For the first time, Goro allowed to wear his heart on his sleeve, to be vulnerable and honest. Tenderly, he placed his lips onto Ren’s for their last kiss. Ren almost wasn’t able to sense it anymore, though, because there wasn’t much physical substance of him left anymore and that was, what pained Ren the most. Goro had always been a remarkable person and to feel how he had almost faded made his heart clench

“I love you, Ren.”, Goro whispered softly as he dissolved. He almost sounded like ever, just a tiny bit more strained. It was if he had wanted to grant those words the impact they deserved.

“I love you, too…” Ren squeezed his eyes shut. “Good-bye, Goro. I hope you’re going to find your peace, wherever you go. I’ll never forget you.”

“Thank you.” One last time, Ren was able to see that beautiful, genuine smile of Goro Akechi, to see how handsome he was and Ren tried desperately to memorize it so that he would never forget this sight, before it would be gone forever. “Farewell, Ren.”

Then, Goro closed his eyes, exhaled one last time and the particles scattered in different directions. Goro was gone and Ren’s arms fell into nothingness. Stunned, he starred at the spot where Goro had been just a moment ago. In this bizarre moment his mind was completely blank, while it felt like his heart was bursting from sorrow. Everything was too much. Too painful.

_Gone. Goro was gone. No, not gone. He was dead._

The more he was able to grasp the situation and to understand that he had just lost the person he loved, grief and devastation overwhelmed him.

Ren hunched himself together and clenched his hands into his hair, while he screamed like he never had in his life before. In this moment, all the pain and frustration of the past year escaped him in a sound, which didn’t seem to come from this world, but no one heard his wail. Goro, Ren and Mona were caught in a sphere between the crumbling and rebuilding reality, because they shouldn’t be here or even existing at all and the old one still had to remember, where they belonged.

Tears streamed down his face as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead onto the rough, cold pavement as rain drops began to pour down on him. It didn’t take long, until his clothes were soaked and stuck to his skin, but Ren didn’t even notice it.

“Ren…”, a soft, warm voice whispered behind him and he felt a pump against his arm. He blinked and turned his head to the side. Mona sat next to him in his cat form and big, blue eyes starred sadly and compassionately him.

“Mona…” Never before had Ren’s voice been that weak and fragile. The cat’s gaze became even sadder, when he heard the voice of their former leader faltering. He truly hadn’t ever experienced Joker like that. Not even Ren. No matter how hopeless the situation had been, Ren had stayed calm and composed, providing a feeling of security for the group on which they could orientate. Even now, in his greatest pain, he was able to push his grief away and to smile as he said: “I’m glad. At least you’re alive.”

Ren truly was relieved that Mona’s survival after the collapse of the Metaverse wasn’t another of Maruki’s weird gift. At least he wouldn’t leave. Ren didn’t know if he could have stood another loss.

“Did Akechi die?”, Mona asked concerned.

“Just.”, Ren replied, his mouth suddenly dry and it almost hurt physically to say that simple word.

“I’m so sorry.” Mona hung his head and rested a compassionate paw on his arm. “I know, how much he means to you.”

“I love him, Mona.”, he said exhausted and exhaled in resignation.

“I know.” Mona tilted his head and it appeared as if he was smiling softly. “Why do you think did I stay with Futaba last night?”

Surprised, Ren blinked and looked down to his friend. He hadn’t been aware that anyone knew, but it felt liberating to reveal a secret, which actually hadn’t been one. It simply wouldn’t have felt right to him to tell anybody, before Goro knew.

“Thank you.” It was weird to say those words given to the situation, but the compassion of his friend made the situation a little more endurable. “I know you don’t like being treated like a cat, but could I…?”

Ren didn’t have to finish his request. Mona jumped into his arm and Ren began to absently stroke through his fur, while his dark eyes starred into the blackness, which came closer and closer. Soon, he would be swallowed, too, and Ren would find himself in a prison cell.

“Gods truly aren’t kind to you.”, Mona whispered glumly. It seemed that in his greatest victory, Ren experienced the feeling of defeat for the first time and Mona hated seeing him like this. It was a face expression, which didn’t suit Ren, but every person could only take a certain amount of disaster. Mona had reached this point on the Okumura heist and Ren had now, when he had to sacrifice everything for humanity’s sake. “Sometimes I wonder if it would’ve been better, if you never found me in the cell.”

“No, Mona.” Ren sighed deeply and shook his head, while he began to caress him between his ears. It was obvious Mona tried to resist, but an involuntary purr escaped him. “Without you Ann would still be molested. Yusuke would still be milked by Madarame. Futaba would still blame herself for Wakabe’s death and Haru would have been sold to her abusive fiancé. I wouldn’t even have got to know Goro. No, I’m glad it all turned out like it did. Even though I was just a chess figure in some God’s game and had to suffer, many good things came out of it and I wouldn’t want to miss any of it.”

“Ren…”

“And even if I didn’t see it like this, it wouldn’t be your fault.”, he continued unwaveringly as he looked determinedly down to his companion and he had gained a bit of his old composure back. “You didn’t even know what you were created for. You’re my friend, Mona. That and nothing else.”

“I’m glad you see it like this.”, Mona admitted after a short moment and breathed out in relief. “I’m still sad that you had to make this decision. It must have been hard.”

“Yes, it was, but Goro was right. It was the only true choice. The other reality would have been just wrong.”

“And yet, humanity doesn’t have to pay, but you have. With your freedom and your love.”

“It cannot be changed and I was aware of it, when I made it. It’s for the future I longed for and I’m ready to pay the price.”

“You truly are something special, Ren. I’m glad to have met you.”

“I am, too.” For the first time, a small, genuine smile twitched around his lips, but it fell quickly and he starred at the brim of the dream, which was collapsing. ”Can I ask you for a favour?”

Concerned, dark eyes looked down to Mona.

“Yes, sure. What is it?”

“Can you look after the other’s, when I’m imprisoned? I think they haven’t quite realized it.” And that pained him more than the knowledge, what was going to happen to him.

“I promise, Ren.” Mona rested his paws on his arm and lifted himself up to be able to look up in his eyes.

“Thank you, Mona.”

“No, I have to thank you for everything. I’ll see you on the other side.” And that were their parting words, before the darkness of the collapsing reality swallowed Ren and Mona. The next time he opened his eyes, he laid on a cot in a cell, but it wasn’t the Velvet Room, but instead of desperation, he felt contentment. It proved that reality was restored again and maybe his personal hope wasn’t lost yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, writing Goro's death was incredibly hard and I got all emotional again. I just hope I was able to give them a farewell they deserve. Please let me know your opinion.
> 
> I'll try to write their reunion as soon as possible ^-^
> 
> Have a wonderful weekend, you all. =)


	3. Reality's last shard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ren probation is rescinded and it's time to go back home, fate has one, last surprise for him.

Three months passed by rather peacefully and slowly, the days were becoming warmer again. The cherry trees began to thrive, their petals floating like pastel coloured snowflakes through the streets. As much as the winter came to an end and a new cycle of life started, the time of good-byes had arrived once again. The farewell with his friends had been bittersweet. On the hand, it made him sad. His friends were close to his heart and he had felt more at home in Tokyo than he ever had at his actual home, but on the other hand it was good to see them all happy despite they had chosen to restore reality. They all were going their own ways into the future with confidence and pride and it made Ren happy.

Therefore, he didn’t really know what to feel as he sat down in one of those seats in the empty train, which would bring him home. Three months had passed since the reality had been restored and the Metaverse was gone. If it weren’t for Morgana, who made himself comfortable inside the black handgrip, it almost felt as if it all had been an odd dream.

Ren sighed and starred out of the window, watching how the masses of humans passed by and a small smile twitched around his lips. He might not know them and they might not know, what he had sacrificed for them, but it had been the right thing to do.

The only thing, which stung inside his heart was that it had been three months and his path hadn’t crossed Goro’s again. With every day that had passed and normality regained its upper hand, Ren had grown to accept, that Goro truly was dead. The last seed of hope, though, hadn’t died yet and leaving home would mean that Goro couldn’t find him anymore. It felt as if he had to cut the bond between them and even had to let him go mentally. Accepting that truth still hurt and the only comfort Ren felt for the situation was that Goro had been able to determine how his life would end and that he hadn’t been alone this time. Even though his soul probably didn’t remember it, if any kind of afterlife existed.

“Ren…” Morgana stuck out his head from the bag and looked questioningly at him out of eyes as blue as the ocean. “Are you alright?”

Ren nodded. He was used to answer Morgana’s question with a gesture so it didn’t awake the impression he was talking to his cat. Then he looked around, noticing that nobody sat close enough to hear him, when he spoke quietly.

“I just thought how strange it all is. I look outside the window and everything is normal. In those moments it feels like everything that happened in the past year was nothing but a dream.”, Ren explained with a thoughtful voice, while his fingers ran over the glass as if he waved good-bye to Tokyo.

“I understand that.”, Morgana agreed, his tail whacking outside the bag. “But what about Akechi? Can you handle it?”

“Well, it seems like I have to accept that he truly is dead.” Ren sighed heavily and picked up his white smartphone, which had rested on the arm of his seat. He opened the gallery and swiped through the many, many pictures the Phantom Thieves had taken over the year. Akechi only was on one, a sneaky taken picture by Futaba, when they all had been playing billiard at Penguin Sniper’s. Ren and Goro stood close to each other, the former detective pointing at the table, while they discussed on how to win the game. Goro had always avoided to be photographed. At first, because he didn’t want to be associated as a member of the Phantom Thieves. That was what Ren guessed. At the end, because he had grown tired about being photographed. The last time of his life had been defined by a massive medial interest in his person- positive and negative.

In this moment, though, as Ren wiped through all the shared memories, he wished he would have a little more of him. Something, which could help him keep Goro in his memory. They had so less time that Ren felt like they were slowly fading. It had only been three months and sometimes, he had difficulties to remember the sound of his voice or how his skin had felt underneath his fingertips. Ren feared he would forget Goro. Memories were so fragile and yet precious and Ren would wish to have a bit more than just them.

“But even though it is painful, it was glad it happened.”, he murmured, although he had already answered Morgana’s question. “Without Maruki’s choice I wouldn’t have got the chance to tell him how I feel. It was only one night, but a wonderful one. One in which we were able to be, who we are. Without the masks, without pretending. I enjoyed every moment.”

“You truly are amazing, Ren. I don’t know if I could handle it that way.”

“Thank you for saying that, Morgana. If I’m honest, I feel a little lost.”

“Looking forward to go back home?”

“I don’t know. I’m torn.” Ren exhaled and ran through his hair. “It’s not like I’m not looking forward to seeing my parents again, but they send me away right after I was convicted and over the past year, I’ve felt at home. Like I found the place, where I belong. I met my best friends, my most loyal companion and my first love. I experienced many adventures and had the time of my life.”

“These were more adventures than some have experienced all their lives.”, Morgana insisted and Ren huffed a chuckle.

“You’re right.” A little smile played around his lips as he leaned back in his seat and starred out of the window again. “Going home after all of this just feels weird. Though I’m looking forward to have a bit of an ordinary time.”

“You deserve it.” Morgana bumped his head against his arm.

“It’s nice of you saying it.” Ren smiled warmly down at him. “Thank you for coming with me. I would have understood, if you decided to stay at Sojiro’s.”

“Never. We’re a team, Ren.” The cat rose its paw in an offer for a high-five. For a moment, Ren just starred at the paw with the pink balls, but then he tipped three fingers against it.

“That we are.” His smile became a little wider and then he settled into his seat. Any minute the train would leave the station and he would leave this part of his life behind. Ren wasn’t sure if he was ready to face normality again. Returning into the ordinary suddenly felt more bizarre than any palace or the Metaverse.

His phone vibrated inside his hand and a pop up announced a new message. Probably a good-bye message from his friends or a post of their last group photo. Ren didn’t know, if he should take a look. He wasn’t sure, if he could stand happiness, when his heart felt so heavy.

Wouldn’t he have hesitated for the blink of an eye, would he have looked immediately at his screen, he would have missed it. For the shortest of moments, a person wearing a tan peacoat passed by his window. Ren’s heart skipped a beat and his eyes blew wide. That…that couldn’t be. He must have been hallucinating, but in this moment, he didn’t care.

Hurriedly, he jumped up and gathered his belongings.

“Ren?”, Morgana asked confused as he grabbed the handles of his bag and reached for his carryall in the compartment above his head. “Ren, what’s wrong?”

Ren didn’t truly listen. His heart was pounding too loudly inside his ears. As fast as he could, he ran out of the train. The platform was full of people. A mass of colours like a storm surge. Desperately, Ren scanned them, praying that eyes hadn’t tricked him, but the well-known jacket was nowhere to be seen.

Without giving it a second thought, Ren dashed off and made his way through the crowd. He hit some of them, some turned around to him with an angry glare, but Ren payed no attention. His mind and focus only rested on finding, what he had seen. Luckily, his sharp senses hadn’t left him, when Joker had. It took a few moments, but then he saw it. A tan coat at the end of the platform, just about to head down the stairs. Ren’s heart skipped a beat again. It wasn’t not just the coat. There was also the same shoulder long, brown hair and the gloved hands. Happiness and endorphins flooded his nerve system. It was him. That truly was Goro.

But then a thought crossed his mind and made him stop. He didn’t know, if Goro remembered, what happened in Maruki’s faked reality. He was supposed to be dead then after all. Therefore, it could be, that he didn’t remember that they had confessed their love for each other or the promise Goro had given him. Why else wouldn’t he had contacted Ren in the past three months if not for the reasons he couldn’t remember or didn’t feel like this anymore? What if the feeling of love had been created by Maruki, too? What if everything had been just another illusion?

“Could it be? Is that?”, Morgana asked aghast as he spotted, what Ren had seen. When Ren didn’t move, he climbed out of the bag and rested his paws on his arm as if he wanted to shake him awake. “Ren, what are you waiting for?”

That tore him out of his stupor. Morgana was right. He would hate himself, if he didn’t use his chance, now.

“Akechi!”, Ren shouted as loud as he could, hoping to make him stop, before he might lose him again. The young man did indeed stop and turned around. Beautiful rubies looked stunned and surprised back at him and when their eyes met, time stood still. In this moment, the world stopped existing. The other people around them faded into the grey mass of insignificance. All that mattered to Ren was that Goro was standing on the other side of the platform, his brown hair dancing with the wind and the cherry blossom petals. Immediately, the strong feeling that this was the person he belonged to reappeared and Ren believed he could hear Goro’s quickened heartbeat in the space between them.

Before he even realized it, his feet began to move. Slowly, hesitant at first, but then he ran. Morgana didn’t even protest as he was roughly shaken inside the bag, which bounced over his shoulder.

The pulsing in their bond became stronger with every step he got closer and an unknown tingle of nervousness ran through him. It felt like approaching your crush to ask him out for a school festival and you had no idea, what he was going to answer, but Ren knew there was no was no way back anymore.

His steps came to a hold in front of him and Ren felt like on a crossroad between hope and devastation. He wanted to kiss him with every fibre of his body, to cradle him in his arms and never let go, but if Goro truly didn’t remember anything that had happened in Maruki’s illusion those action could chase him away forever.

Goro didn’t move, apparently frozen in his place, his beautiful rubies blown wide from surprise, but he didn’t move away. No faked smile, no snarl or arrogant smirk. For the first time, his wits, his charm, his masquerade failed him.

“Goro…”, Ren whispered with his fast beating heart in his voice as he covered the final step separating them. Hesitantly, he looked up, searching for these clear, intelligent eyes he liked so much, while he covered his cheek and the swirl of emotions, he saw there made him gasp. Relief, happiness, surprise and tenderness.

“Ren….” Goro’s voice was airy, nothing more than a mere whisper of surprise. Disbelief shimmered in his beautiful rubies as if he couldn’t believe he had found him. Like Goro had felt just as hopeless as he had. Could it be that they were finally lucky? That destiny finally was kind to them? Or was this just a dream? It wouldn’t be the first time.

Tension pulsated in the small space between them and Ren brushed his thumb over Goro’s cheek.

“You’re alive.” Tears made Ren’s voice shaky and their hearts began to race in synchronicity, each beat resonating in their bond and time stood still. “I can’t believe it, you survived.”

“Yes, I did…”, Goro whispered, while he nodded and one tear of happiness rolled out of his eyes. Slowly, Ren leaned down, giving Goro the time to back out, but instead the former detective closed his eyes, his long lashes resting on his high cheekbones, which was colour by the colour of the cherry trees blossoms.

The moment their lips touched the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below his ear, his thumb caressing his cheek as their breaths mingled. It felt like you suddenly found the puzzle piece to complete the picture. In this tender moment Ren had no doubt that Goro was the person he belonged to. Not when it felt so right to kiss him, to hold him, to simply be with him.

“You remember.”, Ren whispered relieved as he dissolved and tenderly brushed their noses against each other. 

“I do.” Akechi smiled this wonderful, genuine smile, while his glove brushed over Ren’s cheek. The leather felt cool compared to the warmth that filled his heart. “It appears, you do, too.”

“Yes.” The dark eyes of Ren sparkled brightly behind his glasses and he rested his forehead against Goro’s. Then, he laughed happily and shook his head. “I found you.”

With these words, he wrapped his arms tightly around Goro’s slim form. It might just be his imagination, but it felt like Goro had lost weight. He had always been lean, but now, Ren was almost able to touch his own hands as he held him close. Desperation and relief raged inside of him like a storm and he pressed his head onto Goro’s shoulder, trying to hold him tight so that he wouldn’t disappear.

“I’m sorry it took me this long to keep my promise.”, Goro whispered as he wrapped his arms around him, a soothing hand running over Ren’s spine. “When I heard you would go home today, I hurried to come here, but I only saw a train leaving. I thought I had missed you and my chance.”

“Why haven’t you contacted me before?” Ren moved his head up from his shoulders and pained, black eyes starred into red ones. Suddenly, the pain of each passing day and crumbling hope was back. At every morning, his first glance had been onto the screen of his smartphone, hoping to find a message of Akechi and his heart broke each time there had been none.

“That’s…” Goro sighed and his face became darker. “That’s a bit more complicated to explain. Do you have moment?”

He would have all the time in the world for Akechi. Ren nodded with a tender smile and they both left the main station of Tokyo. Destiny and Gods had domed them, wanted to play a wicked game with them, but the bond between them had been stronger than any odds.

~*~

The fast food restaurant they had chosen for that conversation wasn’t romantic or very chick, but neither Ren nor Goro cared about. It was small and tight. Nothing more than plain, steel tables with slim benches, but it was clean. Not that Goro would care. He had been in darker, shadier and worse places in his life and it was good in the regard that no one was paying attention to anything. No one would even remember that they had been here.

Ren sat on the other side of the table, his hands folded and grey eyes looked thoughtfully at him.

Thousands of questions were running through his mind, all fighting for being asked first, but he couldn’t quite grasp one. He didn’t want to force Goro into talking. He should tell his story, in the pace and how he wanted to, but it appeared that he didn’t know himself where to start.

“Goro…”, he therefore said softly and rested a comforting hand on his glove in an attempt to encourage him. Ren wanted to show that the love that had been revealed in that night in February wasn’t gone. Deep, red eyes looked up at him and Goro exhaled deeply, before he took a gulp of his coffee. He contorted his face at the bitter, sour taste of the disgusting dishwasher on his tongue. He truly was spoiled by LeBlanc’s coffee.

“The memories still are a little blurry.”, Goro began with a heavy voice, while he starred past him. To Ren’s surprise, he opened his hand and allowed him to lace their hands together. “Apparently, Shido’s cognitive version of myself was a worse shooter than I am. He thought he killed me, but he had missed my heart slightly. Instead, I was unconscious. When I woke up, I was able to slog myself along into a safe room and hold out there. I thought I was going to die there. I knew, you wouldn’t pass there again. You had everything to send the calling card.”

“Goro…I…”, Ren whispered pained and his gear ran wild to find an excuse. How could he have left Goro behind? Why hadn’t he gone back to the Engine room? Why had he relied on what they had heard instead of making sure? He would have needed their help and yet he had abandoned…

As if he had sensed his thoughts, Goro soothingly rubbed the back of his hand, silently telling him that he didn’t blame him for it.

“Miraculously, I survived the collapsing of the palace.”, he continued and dully starred at the busy mass running through the underground mall. “The next thing I remember is how I woke up in the hospital. A nurse told me I was found wounded in a side alley of the parliament.”

“Akechi…” Mona poked his head out of the bag and looked sadly at him.

“Why haven’t you contacted us? Why haven’t you let _me_ know, that you’re alive?” Ren didn’t want the questions to burst out of him, nor to look painfully at him, but it appeared he failed, because Goro let his head hang and he wrung his hands nervously.

“That’s where it gets complicated.”, he whispered.

“In which way?”

“That I can’t exactly put in words, why I didn’t. I wish I could give you an answer.” Never before he had ever seen Goro that glum and it showed him, how much it hurt him and how much Ren meant to him. “All I can say is that I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Goro.”, Ren whispered warmly and squeezed his hand. “I’m not angry.”

“Ren…” Blinking in surprise, he lifted his head and starred. Ren wasn’t sure, but he had a feeling for a moment he was sitting in front of the young, hurt boy. A boy, who was used that people became angry for much lesser things. In this moment, Ren was able to see the full extent of Goro’s pain of always being unwelcomed. Ren only had to experience that feeling for a few months and he had Ryuji and Ann at his side. Goro had been alone all his life and he had to suffer through it for years and it had taken his mother’s life.

“Just talk to me, try to express it and I’m going to listen.”, he promised. “No judgement.”

“Okay…” Goro exhaled deeply. “Okay…”

Ren expected Goro to dissolve their hands and cling onto his cup of coffee instead, but he didn’t. Instead, he held tighter onto Ren’s hand as if he wanted to make himself aware of the kindness.

“I guess, I felt ashamed.”, he began cautiously after several moments.

“Ashamed?” Ren frowned and tilted his head. “Why?”

“I…I don’t know.” Talking honestly about his emotions probably was something he had never learned. As good as he was in assessing the emotions and actions of others as difficult it was for him to understand his own, because had to hide them all of his life. “I didn’t want you to see me like this. I thought, seeing me in the condition I was in only made you feel even more guilty for restoring reality.”

Surprised, Ren blinked and searched for Goro’s eyes. He did that, because he feared that the sight of him would pain Ren? He did it to protect _him?_

“I wanted to contact you, when I was healthy again.”, he continued and squeezed Ren’s hand. “But it took longer than I expected.”

“Are you alright?”, Ren asked concerned and his hand twitched inside Goro’s.

“What?” For a moment, he blinked surprised, but then he laughed and showed that flashy, charming smile with which the Phantom Thieves had got to know him with. “Oh, you mean if I’m healthy again? Yes, I’m all good.”

“Goro…” Ren exhaled and smiled reassuring. “There’s no need for hiding or reassurement. I’m genuinely concerned.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Immediately, that smile disappeared from Goro’s face and he sighed. “But it’s true. I’m healthy again.”

“I’m glad.” Ren exhaled and leaned back with a smile.

“Ren…” For a moment, Goro hesitated. “There’s another reason, why I…”

His voice trailed off and he blinked thoughtfully into the distance.

“Why you haven’t told me that you’re alive?”, Ren asked and Goro nodded. “What was the reason?”

“Fear.”, he explained and lowered his head. That statement confused Ren. Why should Goro had been afraid to contact him? What had given Goro the impression after he woke up in this reality that Ren wouldn’t want to see him again?

Then, he suddenly remembered something Goro had said in a voice full of relief after their kiss and it made sense.

“You feared I wouldn’t remember.”

“I had no guarantee that you would.” Goro nodded resigned. “It could have been that Maruki restored the memories as if it had never happened and I only slipped that, because I was considered dead.”

“Goro…”

“And even if I considered you remembered it, three months had passed since reality was restored. I wasn’t sure if you have moved on.” His voice trembled just as much as his hand. “I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

“Goro…”, he addressed him once again, this time with an even softer voice and the man on the other side of the table lifted his head. A single tear glistened in his eyes. “Everything I said that night in LeBlanc, no, everything I’ve ever said to you was honest. I love you.”

Ren could figuratively see, how Akechi’s heart made a jump and a slight, adorable blush crept over his cheeks. How could he have not fallen head over heels for this gorgeous man?

“Well, well, am I not a fortunate one?”

“Goro…!”, Ren chided him half-heartedly and looked pointedly at him. Goro’s face fell again and he cleared his throat.

“Right, my apologies.” Morgana sighed within the bag, but so quietly that only Ren could hear it. “So…”

“So?”, Ren repeated after several moments in which Goro had stayed silent.

“What are we going to do, now?” Thoughtful, red eyes looked at him, but for the first time Ren wasn’t able to follow his trail of thoughts.

“What exactly do you mean with that?”

“Are we…” Goro sighed and his thumb began to rub circles on his hand. “Are we going to be a couple?”

Confused, Ren frowned and his heart sank into his stomach. Didn’t Goro want to be in a relationship with him? But everything he had said, everything he had done had awoken the impression that Goro was in love with him and the way he looked at him right now implicated that he actually longed to be in a relationship with him. So, why was he hesitating? Why did he suddenly appear so uncertain?

“I…” Goro sighed and lowered his head, rubies hazed by sadness. “I’ve never experienced love in my life. I have absolutely no idea, how it feels like or how to behave in a relationship.”

His voice became quieter and resigned with every word. With every argument he spoke out, his logical, all controlling mind came to the conclusion that there was no hope for them.

“I’m not going to be a good boyfriend.”, he whispered out his conclusion and a tear fell onto the table. “I wish I could be. I want to be, but I have no idea how to.”

“Goro, stop.”, Ren said softly, interrupting the spiral of darkness he had grown used to. Goro startled and his head jerked up as if he had hit him. In this moment it showed, what he had meant. Goro was so used to being unwanted and unloved that he feared the end before it even arrived. Everything inside of him wanted to be loved, but he had learned that he didn’t deserve it.

Before Goro was able to overthink Ren’s interruption, he sat down on the bench next to him and rested his head on his shoulder. Goro startled for a moment, his body growing rigid at the tender gesture. Insecurely, he turned his head, looking down at the leader of the Phantom Thieves, who rested relaxed against him, his eyes trustingly closed.

“Listen to your heart, Goro, and not your mind and tell me, what do you feel?”, Ren asked with this deep, calm voice, which always rubbed off on him. “Doesn’t this feel right?”

After a few moments, Goro exhaled, the paralysation fading out of his body and he relaxed. It took another, few more moments, until Goro wrapped an arm around his waist and buried his nose into the wonderful, raven curls of the person he loved with all of his heart and yet was afraid to love. Not just for his own sake, but his as well.

“It does…”, he whispered in a strange mixture of defeat and happiness. “It feels like I finally found the place I belong to.”

“Then do you want to doom us, before we even tried instead of giving us a chance?”, Ren asked. Goro stayed silent, wagering his words carefully, but his hand came to rest on his thigh, his body already telling the answer. “Don’t you want to listen to your heart’s wish for once?”

“I do.”, he whispered quietly. “I want to be with you. I want to learn how it feels like to be loved, because I love you with all my heart. But how is this supposed to work? You’re going home today and I don’t know, if I can endure another love story which only lasts a few hours. As wonderful as the last was.”

Goro had a point. Ren had to admit that. Once again, a timer was hanging above their head, but this time they weren’t necessarily doomed.

“I don’t know, what our future holds.” His voice was absent, but calm and confident. Ren sat up again and laced their hands together. “I can’t promise a happy ending, but I believe in us. In our strength, our willpower and our stubbornness. Look at us. We’re two humans, who should be dead according to destiny and yet here we are. We were supposed to be enemies and yet we have fallen in love. Do you truly believe that something as trivial as like a long-distance relationship- or whatever we decide our solution to be- could stop us?”

When Ren put it that way, it truly sounded ridiculous. They had been marked, they had been cursed, but destiny hadn’t defeated them. They were supposed to be dead and yet they were alive. Didn’t that mean that they had escape the whims of fate and were truly free, now? That their life rested in their own hands now?

“Goro…” Ren’s voice was so warm and loving, it was almost hard to endure for Goro. Ren always knew the right words to reach his heart and everything inside his mind was scared about how fast he had teared down his protection walls and had conquered his heart.

Deep, grey eyes like the dusk after a battle looked at him and the loving smile was contrasty to it. He rested a warm, calming hand on his cheek, tender thumbs caressing his cheek.

“I love you. I want to be with you and if I have to challenge destiny for that than I will do so.” The soft expression in Ren’s dark eyes hardened in determination. Surprised, Goro blinked, but then huffed and smiled, when he felt Joker’s determination flickering all around him. It appeared that Ren’s alter ego wasn’t completely gone.

But he was right. Everything in life was a fight. Goro knew that ever since he was born and that was something his mind and heart could agree on. His past had made a selfish person out of him, who took, what he could get and he wanted to be loved. He wanted to be with Ren and that was something worth fighting for.

“Do you want to, too? If you’re afraid to be hurt, I understand that. I won’t force you to do anything.” It appeared that his answer had taken too long, because Joker’s presence disappeared and instead, Ren came back to the surface, his face expression full of kindness.

Comfortingly, he caressed both of Goro’s cheeks, who suddenly felt so vulnerable and exposed. From the very first day they had met, Goro had always been aware, somewhere deep inside of him, that Ren had seen through him. When everybody else had been blinded by his wits, faked charm and flashing smile, Ren had stayed calm and hadn’t been fooled by it. Each and every gaze of his had said: _I know what you’re doing and I know, who you truly are._

It had made the deepest core of him uncertain and he had hated Ren for feeling that way, but on the other hand, it had been the foundation of their trust and bond. Whenever he had given Ren a piece of information about himself to gain his sympathy and trust, he had been impressed by himself, how clever and sly he was, but he had also noticed how good it felt to speak with Ren about it.

“Yes.”, he whispered and his voice sounded weaker than he had liked. Was that the true Goro? He wasn’t sure. He had hidden himself for so long he wasn’t able to recognize himself anymore. “I want to know, how it feels like. I want to take the risk of being hurt. I want to be loved.”

Ren kissed him. Soft and kind, no ulterior motives hidden inside it. It was a whisper, a promise, a reassurement and it almost made him cry, because he felt how the exposed emotions were, what he had missed all of his life and how his heart began to heal.

Goro never wanted this kiss to end or the emotions he felt within it, but after a few moments, Ren pulled softly away only to aspirate a kiss against his forehead and to tuck him under his chin in a reassuring, comforting gesture. It was that moment that the charade Goro had fooled himself with shattered and all the pain he had locked away came to the surface. He startled, but then began to tremble and hid his face between the collarbones, while his hands clenched into Ren’s shirt in a silent plea to protect him.

In this moment, two pictures from different timelines became congruent and the reflection was complete. The last, missing shard of the mirror of reality was inserted and the distorted mesh of fate was finally restored.

Ren placed a soft kiss into the brown hair and whispered softly:

“Let me love you and I will love you, until you learn to love yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everybody, thank you so much for reading this story =) I hope I was able to find a appropriate happy end for them and to ease our all's pain after the Persona 5 the Royal ending. Please let me hear your thoughts =)
> 
> Good-bye, Subaru.

**Author's Note:**

> This is likely going to be a story with two more chapters, because I want to rewrite the entire ending, but I don't know, when I'll be emotionally able to write them, so I see this story as completed for now.
> 
> What do you think of my version of events? Please, let me now =) I'd love to find other fans of Persona 5.


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